fragile

One year ago at this time, Brian and I were in the ER. My dear friend Christy was playing Yahtzee with me as we laughed at Brian snoring while lying in the bed next to us. He had been in pain all through the night, and finally at 7am, gave in and let me call the doctor.

The doc couldn't determine what was wrong and sent us to the ER for an ultrasound (I think...) After 20 or so minutes watching my husband rock in pain in the chair next to me, tears streaming silently down his face, I'd had enough, and started making a stink. Polite at first, then downright stubborn and on the verge of crying, I stood in front of the nurses station for 15 minutes before they agreed to open a new wing of the ER for Brian.

The ultrasound (or whatever) determined what we'd feared- Brian's appendix needed to come out. At first, we were fine with that. We had insurance, so that was okay... Both of our parents were busy and we determined they shouldn't make the trip.

So Christy came. We played Yahtzee as the time for Brian's surgery was pushed back again and again. Finally, at around 7:15pm, a nurse came and moved us to a room on the surgery floor. A nonchalant anesthesiologist came and started Brian on his loopy meds. I asked all the questions I'd heard my daddy ask in these type of situations before (he's almost a doctor, you know...) And they took Brian away.

Heath came and Christy left. Eric & Lindsay came, and we ate while we waited. And then, a nurse came in and said that they were having a hard time waking Brian up from surgery. And then, the surgeon came in and said that the appendix had ruptured and Brian would have to stay overnight. And then, the surgeon came back in and said that Brian had suffered flash pulmonary edema, and was essentially drowning as his lungs filled with fluid. Brian would be admitted to ICU.

How did this happen? How did we go from eating dinner together one night, and then spending the following night in the ICU? After Heath and Eric and Lindsay left that night, I sat on the pullout bed, feeling nothing. I think that God was sedating me so I wouldn't freak out, actually.

It wasn't then, or in the rough days that followed. It wasn't as I watched friends do more for us than I could have ever imagined or asked for. It wasn't when we finally got to go home three days later. It was when we went in for a follow-up appointment and the doctor looked at us and said to Brian "You could have died. People die from this every day." It was then that I grasped the fragility of life as I know it.

I thank God that this Christmas, I get to be with my husband, and I thank God that we're both healthy. I know that this specific prayer hasn't been answered for some, and my heart breaks for them. We are fragile beings- thank God for your loved ones today.