Bliss!

5 years ago today, at this time, I was sitting in the living room of our family friend's home, listen to a gospel singer belt out a special version of "Going to the Chapel" that she'd re-written especially for me. I wonder if my mom has the words somewhere- I don't know where they are....

This bridal luncheon was so thoughtful and special, and all around me were ladies who loved me; who were there to cheer me on for this special day. Oddly enough, if you know me at all, I had no cried at all yet at this point. I remember thinking that I should be happy enough to cry, but tears didn't come- I was blissful, there was NO sadness in me whatsoever.

That morning, I woke up before the alarm in my parent's house, in my old bedroom. I'd had a really good night of sleep, and I jumped up and hopped in the bath tub. I was pretty much just soaking it all in, and I didn't hear my mom come in, and she scared the bejezus out of me. She reminded me that we needed to leave before too long to get our hair and makeup done.

Off we went, and I remember being a little concerned that I had NO clue what I was going to do with my hair at this point. But, as it turned out, I had little to be concerned about- the gal who did our hair at the salon was brilliant, and the hair was very "me". She wrenched my tiara- yes, duh, those who know me should KNOW I wore a tiara on my wedding day- onto my head, and my mom immediately teared up. The hair gal told me to come back after our luncheon and she'd work the veil in. Mom got her hair done as I jabbered on nervously. Hair gal had also done my makeup, and told me to apply my own mascara, which I forgot to do...

At the luncheon (after which my friends went to get burgers- it was "ladylike" food) I was thrilled that the napkins had little rings tied to them. I snatched a couple so I could tie them to the ring bearer's pillow. His mother had told me a story from the previous evening at the rehearsal-- We had given Conal the pillow, and he looked at it, and asked where the rings were. His mom told him that he would just pretend to have rings, but would just carry the pillow. He thought for a moment, and then said "Well, I'm not a ring bearer then! I'm just a pillow bearer!!" Hmm... Yeah, I guess so....

Also at the luncheon, old Morgan showed up looking like she was ready for her quincenera (sp?). She's very tan, and when she'd gotten her hair done, the lady had used gel and slicked her dark hair back into a severe bun. She still claimed that she didn't look as bad as I did in my tiara (which she was vehemently against.)

At the church shortly after the luncheon, I remember walking into the bridal room and taking a deep breath in. Earlier, my mom had told me that if anything goes wrong, DON'T worry about it, because you can't change it, and no one else would know about it. Sage advice. I walked through the halls to the sanctuary, wanting to see my flowers. And what flowers do I find??? Baby pink roses. NOT the flowers I had selected. I am not a baby pink rose kind of girl. But, remembering my mother's advice, I accepted to mini-tragedy, and went to put on my dress. (Like FIVE minutes later, the florist showed up and swapped the flowers- the pink roses were from a funeral earlier that morning...)

We put on my dress, and then there was about 1 1/2 hours to kill with nothing to do but be nervous. At one point, my uncle came in and asked me if I'd heard from Brian. I said "no", and then asked why he wanted to know. A quick "No reason!" came from my uncle, and he ran out the door. Hmmm.... (Turns out Brian and his best man were a 1/2 hour late getting to the church b/c they couldn't find their way back to the church from dropping off our bags at the hotel...)

Then my friends new Morgan and Penny came in, who had driven from Lubbock. They sat down on the floor and started lotioning their legs after changing from the drive. Wedding nazi started throwing a fit because she didn't want to get lotion on the floor- I calmly pointed out that since they were adults, they probably could manage avoiding getting lotion on the floor.

It was at this point, when we were about to exit the room, that I figured out I had forgotten mascara. Everyone had already taken bags back out to their cars, and didn't have any, so I went through my wedding without mascara. After a quick prayer, we started down the hall towards the sanctuary. I got really excited and nervous all at once, and started singing "I'm gonna sing, sing, sing, I'm gonna SHOUT, SHOUT, SHOUT, I'm gonna sing, I'm gonna SHOUT, praise the Lord!!!" The girls started singing with me, and the wedding nazi came RUNNING up to hall to us, and said "GIRLS!! Hush!! The guests will hear you!!" Without my mother there to edit me, I looked at her and said "So, they'll what? Think I'm excited about getting married?? I'm okay with that. We're going to sing!!!" And continued singing, and praising the Lord, because in that moment, it was all I could think to do.

After yelling at my people in the back of the sanctuary to shut up because I wanted to hear my gospel vocalists, we began... I walked down the aisle on my daddy's arm, practically skipping. (I'm actually not kidding, I hopped down the aisle because I was so excited!) I stopped at the edge of the aisle to give our dear, dear friend Billie, who was in a wheelchair, a kiss, and then saw Brian. He was crying, but I had yet to shed a tear- I was so happy!!

We pledged our love, and ourselves, and I looked out over the guests, and couldn't have been more overcome with bliss. It was the best day of our lives thus far. But you know- I love him more today than I loved him then, which seems impossible.

Thank you for five WONDERFUL years, Brian!! (Did you know that one of my many nicknames for Brian is "smushy face"? Don't ask...)

Remember....

At this time, 5 years ago, on July 30, I was sitting in the bar at some restaurant on Loop 250 in Midland, Texas, having a drink. I was trying to calm down, but my nerves were racing about a thousand miles per hour.

From what I remember that day, I had taken my parent's dog for a walk in the rain- nervous energy. People began arriving, and I got more and more anxious. I attended a bridesmaid shower thrown by my mother's friends and my aunt. (It was at a nail salon, and the nail gal told me that she didn't care if I thought I shouldn't get fake nails; I was not getting married with nails bitten to the quick.) Bless her. I nibbled on some cookies and contemplated how uncomfortable the dress I was wearing was...

I went to the Hampton Inn on Loop 250 and discovered that they had (once again) lost the reservations for our pastor. Seriously, they lost the reservations at least SIX times throughout this whole process. I was very close to loosing it as the desk manager told me that they did not, in fact, have a reservation for Pastor Schaefer, so they didn't know if he'd checked in yet. (This is why I have an intense disliking for Hampton Inn to this DAY.)

At this point, my dear friend Hilary decided to give me their gift since I was starting to crawl over the desk to throttle the desk manager. Their gift was a picnic basket with wine glasses, a bottle of wine, and some other picnic-y stuff.

I started wondering aloud where Brian was, and was informed that he was upstairs with Heath, getting ready. Seeing me about to, you know, do something destructive to the desk manager who was eying me with contempt, my beautiful friends suggested drinks before we headed to the church. So there I was, having a drink, and laughing with pals I hadn't seen in a while.

It was then that I realized that I had to stop, and take it all in. All the people we loved, almost every one of them, were here in Midland to celebrate with us. Never again would we have ALL of them together in one place with us. And then we went to the church.

I remember thinking my maid of honor, old Morgan, looked better than I did- she had on some great pants and fantastic shoes... Then I fought with the lady from the church in charge of running the show (we remember her fondly as the 'wedding nazi'.) She thought that the way I wanted my candlelighters to come in was stupid. My mom cut me off as I started to tell wedding nazi that I thought SHE was stupid, and informed her that we would be doing it my way because it didn't hurt anything or anyone.

Then Kris, a sorority sister of mine, walked down the aisle with my daddy as I watched. And all I could do was smile- was this happening?!?!

We made it through the ceremony run through, and headed to La Bodega for the rehearsal dinner. Old Morgan started hitting on one of the groomsmen hard core. And again, I was swept away with emotion as I thought about how we would NEVER be at dinner with THIS group of people who had shaped our lives ever again.

As the dinner came to a close, and the girls started to head to old Morgan's house for a lingerie shower where I received some incredibly inappropriate and disturbing items from MY COUSINS, I kissed Brian goodbye, and thought about the next time I would see him- at the alter.

Precious

Announcing the Gann Clann's newest addition:



Alyson Reed Gann

Release

So yesterday at church, our pastor spoke on a really interesting topic that I find incredibly stress-relieving. He's just written a book called Your Life in Rhythm. The basic idea is that a "balanced life", which everyone always says we should have, is not a Biblical principle. Rather, one should accept and strive for a rhythmic life over balance.

I find it SO relieving to know that it's not just me who can't find balance!! I mean, if you've found a way to balance work, play, family, etc., devoting equal time and energy to ALL parts at the same time, more power to you, but that just ain't happening for me!!

The fact is, there are different rhythms of our regular lives (day, week, month, year) and then there are those rhythms that we see as stages. So, when you're having a new baby, obviously, you may have to give up being the president of the PTA, because you won't have time!! AND THAT'S OKAY!!! When you're mourning the loss of a loved one, it's okay that work takes a backseat!

So, as part of our life group study yesterday, we had to identify what life stage we were going through so we could release unrealistic or false expectations of ourselves, and also, so we could look forward to and seize opportunities unique to this life stage.

As our group talked this through, most people answered with ease. And then it was our turn. Brian and I looked at each other, and then down at the paper we were supposed to be filling out. And we both came up with the same answer. "We don't have a stage. We're in this weird transition period." Well, dang. This makes this process a little more difficult....

The fact is, this is a time in our lives that we're kind of waiting on God to show us what's next. Professionally, financially, personally, etc. So, then, we had to release unrealistic expectations of ourselves, and inwardly, my wall just pops up. Because I know what the reasonable answer is here, but I can't release it. I know that REALISTICALLY, we should kind of wait and see how things go professionally before we decide it's time to have a baby. I KNOW THAT. My head knows that this makes total sense, and just because I "release" that expectation right now, doesn't mean we won't turn a corner in a few months and be ready to look at that again.

But my heart is a different story. My heart is a wicked, selfish, single-minded, irrational stone of a thing today as it screams "It's not fair!!" It's not fair that I feel like I was made for a role that I can't play right now. It's not fair that this just gets to be so easy for some people. It's not fair that I saw about five minutes of the "16 and Pregnant" show on MTV and had to turn it off because I was so disgusted that this stupid little girl had to decide if she wanted to "keep" her baby, or terminate the pregnancy.

And I KNOW that life's not fair. God never promised that it would be- just that He would take care of us. So I'm marinating on that. I'm also marinating on the fact that if I could get my heart to behave and realize that just for today, if I could release all that feeling and emotion, I would have a better day. And I'm marinating on how blessed we already are! Oh, the Lord has blessed us so plentifully, how can I not praise Him for that, even as I ask Him for what He already knows I want?

Do you struggle this way? Do you struggle to release those expectations you've defined for yourself, even if you know they're not realistic, or false? Do you have to WORK to bring yourself to a place where, even though it's a daily battle that you go through kicking and screaming, you let God pry your selfish little fingers from your doubt and hurts? I know I'm not the only one, and I want you to know you're not alone, either! I'm praying for you!! Release it today (even if you have to do it again tomorrow!!) Maybe blog about it, because writing/ talking through it makes me feel so much better, and not quite so alone.... ;-)

I've Got My Priorities Straight....

...trust me.

So after this announcement.......

And after this fun hospital detour.....


...for some high blood pressure.....

....And this fun hospital stay.....


.... for the beginnings of pre-eclampsia...

Baby Hannah decided it was time to greet the world!!! But, I get ahead of myself.

Amanda was admitted to the hospital (for the 2nd time this pregnancy) on Saturday evening because her blood pressure continued to get higher and higher. On Monday morning, her doc decided that it was time (since Amanda was close enough to her due date of July 31) for Hannah to come meet us!! Since I can work from anywhere with a computer, I went up to sit with Amanda while her hubby Brandon had a meeting. This was around 12:30pm or so....

By 2:30pm, this one nurse had stuck Amanda 4 times to get her IV started.

By 3pm, Amanda's parents had arrived with Madison (Amanda and Brandon's 3-yr-old) in tow.



By 4:30pm, Brandon was suited up, ready to get this party started...



By 5:45pm, the doc had arrived (finally) and the party actually WAS getting started...



And then the waiting began (you know, after this 5-ish hour initial wait...) Amanda's c-section was bumped by an emergency c-section, so at 6:25pm or so, a nurse came in and told us that they actually were getting started. After waiting, oh, 30 minutes or so, I decided that I would run and put up my laptop. It was LITERALLY 2 minutes down the hall. I was gone for LITERALLY TWO minutes, and in this time, I missed them rolling the newly-arrived Baby Hannah into the hall! Are you kidding me?? After waiting for 6 1/2 hours with camera ready, I miss the official roll-in?!?!?

But I still got to see her...



...And then she was promptly whisked away to the nursery for some good pokes and prods...



It was amazing to get to watch Brandon bond with Hannah. The look of adoration in his eyes was something I've never really seen before. So amazed, so thankful, so loving. It was incredible to glimpse this kind of unconditional love. I imagine this is about as close as we can get to actually seeing what God's love for us is like...



Brandon announced Miss Hannah Grace Luedke's stats...

So then we decided to order dinner, because, you know, I've got my priorities straight. And after getting tired of waiting for the nursery to bring Hannah into the recovery room where we were sitting with Amanda, I decided to actually eat the dinner I ordered. And I promptly missed Miss Hannah being wheeled back to the room. Really!??!

Then, after sitting in the waiting room for a couple more hours, we decided to move to Amanda's room so the guys could watch the home run derby. Where I proceeded to do this...



Oh, yes, ladies. You're interpreting that look correctly. This is the "I am going to pee my pants" look. I was attempting to pop wheelies in the wheel chair that I'd commandeered from the hall, and was getting pretty good at it, until I got tickled enough to almost pee my pants. I didn't actually, you know, pee my pants.

Then, after getting reprimanded by 3 different nurses, we were told that Amanda was about to be brought back into the room, so we had to clear out so they could do their thing. Which was a mistake on their part, because we actually goofed around in the hall for 30 minutes before they actually brought Amanda in, so we had time to do stuff like:


..Ask hospital employees to take our picture... (BTW, I love Brian's sorority pose here...)


....Act disgruntled about waiting....


...And generally wreak havoc in the hospital halls, you know, because we've got our priorities straight...

Alas, it was about 10:30pm at this point, and we were ready to hold us some baby. It was not to be, because for SOME reason, mother and baby need their rest!! ;-)

So I returned yesterday for some good baby-holding time (Brandon had pointed out that as long as I held her before 6:49pm yesterday, it was still technically her first day...) So if you're counting, you will know that I've blown off two days of work this week so far. But I assure you, I DO have my priorities straight:



How could this precious angel not be a TOP priority?? She is in my book! ;-)

What?!?! You didn't know my life was in disarray??

Ha! Then we haven't been chatting enough...

Well, the time has come folks. I've dropped hints, and those of you who speak with me on a regular basis already know that the poo has hit the fan.

In late January this year, we caught wind of some big changes coming down the pipes at our franchise's corporate office. Once the dust settled, we decided that it was not in our best interest to continue with our current business operation, and were left with the decision of what to do next- we had clients who were currently working on jobs with us, a retail lease and the fact that we'd been marketing as a certain company for 2 years.

So, we began the SLOOOOOOW process of developing a new company brand. There was the retail space to deal with, and a lot of action behind the scenes to incorporate what we had already learned into the new company. Slowly, the name emerged, then the brand and we began to discuss the transition with our current clients.

Just this week, we got the website to a place where it's presentable enough to mention. I won't say "done" because websites should be ever-evolving, but I'm happy enough to at least put it out there. You will see the link on my sidebar for our business blog has changed, and announces our new company: Fresh Look Creative.

So, this is us!!

We're very excited to be wiping our hands, so to speak, of the past, and in private conversation, I will happy to dish the dirt, but for the sake of this public blog, we are MOVING FORWARD!!

Yeah!! Feel free to visit the new website: FreshLookCreative.com

(Yes, I know that currently there are only 2 examples of our work there- I'm working on it. Yes, I know the same picture is on every page, I'm working on it.) Hehehe. I'm just so excited to have something that is presentable. Finally!!

So, if you didn't know that my life was in disarray, don't worry. We're getting back into the swing of things here, so that's actually OLD news now...

;-)

How American are WE?!?!?

So for the 4th of July this year, we went to Lubbock, where Brian's parents live. They live just outside of town where it's legal to blow off fireworks, and let me tell you, the neighborhood is bumpin' every year as everyone's great aunts, second cousins and best friend's great nephews come out to blow off fireworks. I'm serious- my father-in-law Stewart has to put out cones every year to keep crazies from parking on his lawn and lighting his shrubs on fire.

Stewart usually cooks for everyone on the 4th, but this year, Brian asked if he could try his hand at bar-b-que. (My daddy has an awesome BBQ recipe and technique, and Brian has been working up the nerve to try this feat.) So, Stewart agreed to hand over the tongs and oven mitt this year to Brian, and Linda (mother-in-law), Andrea (sister-in-law) and I handled the sides.

Check out the goods!!


Sauce Prep


Equipment (Stewart actually made this grill in his workshop- how cool is that?!?!)


Starting to look yummy!!


My crazed knife-wielding cook, starting to get hungry for some ribs!!


My Pina-Colada Cake, all done up for the 4th of July


Hehhee. Fireworks begin!


My bestie Morgan and beautiful sister-in-law, Andrea


Morgan finishes the night strong

We had so much fun, and the food was great! We're so blessed that Stewart and Linda have such a great place that we could go relax and have fun with friends. Yeah, America!!